What does ‘fair’ really mean, on the family farm?

“We just want it to be fair.”

This is what I usually hear from my farming clients (and all other clients, for that matter), when the topic of inheritance planning is first broached.

It’s a perfectly understandable response to have. As I’m sure anyone who has raised siblings will agree, from the moment your family grows beyond one, fairness becomes a dominant theme in your life—making things fair, keeping things fair, and at some point, hearing each of your children plead their case for why something isn’t fair.

The parental instinct to treat your children fairly doesn’t change as they grow up, but it does take on new complexity. Unlike the early years, when a fair share was about turns or toys, matters of inheritance, estate, and succession planning carry far more weight. These matters require families to really dissect what fair looks like to them—as individuals and a unit.

Defining fair in your family

More often than we realise, fairness is spoken about with a tone of absolute conviction, as if it is something that is fixed, final, factual.

The reality is that fairness is completely subjective. It will mean something different to every family and every individual within that family. This is why one of the first questions I always ask my clients is: What does fair mean to you?

It’s a small question that opens a very big conversation. It prompts people to reflect not just on their own beliefs, but on how their husband or wife sees things too. In this way, it often leads to really constructive discussions about what each person values most and how those ideas align.

While these conversations begin with Mum and Dad, succession and inheritance planning works best when they also include those who will be directly impacted by it. In my experience, what parents think their children are emotionally attached to is often quite different from what they actually are—and the only way to know for certain is to ask.

Every family will have a different level of comfort with involving their children in these discussions. Some prefer to keep things private, others want to be completely transparent, and most sit someplace in between. But I will say this: In my experience, the things your children are most attached to are almost never what you expect them to be.

The more openly you can talk about what matters with who matters, the easier it is to create a plan that is clearly understood by everyone involved.

It’s also worth pointing out that successful family transitions—that is, transitions without substantial relational or financial friction—typically require more than a family-wide understanding of how ownership and assets will be distributed.

As always, the devil is in the details. So while clarifying the big picture goals is the first step, teasing out the specifics of what that will actually look like is the second.

Open communication makes all the difference

Getting the details right starts with talking about them openly. Too often, families stop at the headline discussion: “We’re retiring,” or “We’ve decided how the farm will be handed down.” But without sharing the detail behind those decisions, assumptions take hold. And assumption is usually where tension starts.

Take retirement, for example. Mum and Dad might be picturing a slower pace. Not working every day, but still having a say in how things are run. Their child, on the other hand, might imagine their retirement as a complete handover of responsibility. Both views make sense, but if they’re not discussed openly, both sides are left to assume. And when those preconceived expectations aren’t met, that can cause friction.

Creating space for these conversations, whether that’s between spouses, with advisers, or as a family group, gives everyone clarity.

Putting it in writing

For some families, talking things through is enough. For others, especially when there are strong personalities or significant assets involved, it helps to take things a step further by agreeing on a few simple rules that guide how decisions will be made.

These rules, sometimes called rules of engagement, give structure to ongoing conversations. They set out how decisions are reached, who’s involved, and what process to follow if something changes. When everyone has contributed to those rules, they become a shared reference point—something to come back to when the situation gets complicated or emotions run high.

I’ve seen how valuable this can be in practice. In one case, a family had set down clear rules for how their SMSF would operate. A few years later, when circumstances had changed and tension was starting to build, we were able to revisit what had been agreed from the outset. Having that document on hand made it easier for everyone to refocus on what had already been decided, and why.

Putting things in writing helps keep everyone accountable to the same understanding. It gives families something concrete to come back to and a way to check that decisions are still being made in the spirit they were intended.

Off-farm assets are essential

In many farming families, the farm itself is the main source of wealth. It’s also the main source of complexity. Parents still need an income in retirement, and the next generation often needs the farm to stay intact for the business to survive. When everything is tied up in one asset, there’s very little room to move and limited capacity to create an outcome that feels fair for everyone.

That’s why off-farm assets are so important. They give families flexibility—a way to ease the financial pressure on the farm, and to provide for children whose lives have taken a different path.

Even with off-farm assets, there will always be compromise. But when you have more than just the farm in the mix, those compromises tend to feel more balanced, and the options more workable.

In my view, there has to be something beyond the farm for succession to work. It’s as simple as that.

The value of an outside perspective

Even in close families, conversations about inheritance and succession can be emotional. Everyone sees things through a slightly different lens, shaped by their role in the business and their connection to the farm. Those perspectives don’t always align, and at times, that can make it hard to move forward.

Bringing in someone outside the family can help. An adviser who understands both the financial and personal dynamics can guide the conversation, ask questions that might otherwise go unasked, and help translate emotion into practical decisions.

It doesn’t take the emotion out of the process and nor should it, but it does help families find common ground and keep discussions constructive when things start to feel difficult.

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Fairness is rarely clear-cut. It sits somewhere between logic and emotion; between what’s ideal and what’s possible. On the family farm, it asks people to separate the business from the personal and to keep both in view at once.

The families who manage it best are those who accept that it won’t ever feel perfect and can’t always be equal. But with open discussion, careful planning, and a bit of perspective, they give themselves the best chance of getting it right.

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If you’re thinking about the future of your family farm, Kylie Wright and Jessica Wilkinson can help you take the next step. Get in touch for a confidential conversation.

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